King Kong Escapes - It's a Movie

Boy do we have a movie to talk about today. Here's the thing about King Kong Escapes. I just don't know how to talk about it, honestly. It's not like it's the worst movie in the world or anything, and it isn't very good. It's just kinda there. It doesn't have anything super positive and it doesn't have anything incredibly negative. So far my scale of these reviews has been easy. Godzilla has been the best movie we've watched. Easily, and beyond a shadow of a doubt, and on the exact opposite end of the spectrum, I'd say Varan has been the worst, or at very least the movie I've been most overtly critical of. And everything about King Kong Escapes is perfectly in the middle. It is about as mediocre as these movies have been, and probably will end up being. So, I guess I gotta hand it to Toho? I don't know, let's just get on with it.

The evil scientist Doctor Who is digging in the Arctic for the radioactive Element X with his giant robot, Mechani-Kong. After the robot breaks down and the real Kong is freed from Who's captivity, it's only a matter of time until the two Kongs meet and do battle in downtown Tokyo.

So, the thing about this one is that while the plot synopsis I included is just about the best I can cover, it's not the entire plot. King Kong Escapes is not a sequel to King Kong vs. Godzilla at all, nor anywhere close to a followup to the original film. All it is is an adaptation of the Rankin/Bass cartoon, the King Kong Show. I've never watched the show at all, so I can't base any of my opinions off of it as an adaptation. So purely as a Kong film, what do I think? Well, it very much is a rehash of the original King Kong. But instead it throws in Doctor Who and Element X, and because of that it gets a little. The main point of the movie gets really lost at times if it actually has one. Honestly as the movie shakes out, it basically is just a coincidence Kong and Mechani-Kong ever actually end up fighting each other. So basically what we have is a watered down remake of King Kong that isn't actually a remake of King Kong? It's weird. It's really weird.


So, wanna talk about some humans? Okay, why not? Dr. Who is the best. Yes, for your information, I am a Whovian, so calling him Dr. Who is a bit odd, but whatever. Mainly 'cause he isn't the Doctor? I don't know, no more Doctor Who. Played by Hideyo Amamoto (pictured right), this dude is just an absolute cornball. If you've ever sat back and said to yourself "Man, I need essentially a Bond villain in my giant monster movie," where, here we have one! Now. I will definitely say. In no way shape or form is he an all time great villain ESPECIALLY not of this series, but he's just really fun to watch. He's confident, he's stupid, he comes up with the most ridiculous schemes in the world to basically just dig for a rare element. I know he definitely was intended to be this ridiculous. The dude is an adaptation of a cartoon character, after all. So seeing him in the movie, it's great. He's a really enjoyable character to watch. I can definitely say you'll need to see and judge for yourself, but that's my take.

Monsters? You bet this movie's got 'em. Gorosaurus, one of the most criminally underrated kaiju in the entire series makes his debut in the movie as the token dinosaur that Kong kills. I mean, you seen King Kong? 'Cause that's Gorosaurus. He even gets his jaw ripped in half life the meat-eater in King Kong. So I'm not being hyperbolic when I definitely do say that you've seen him before. Because we have seen him before. How about Mechani-Kong? Well, he sure exists. There's not a ton that actually makes him distinct, let alone from Kong. But he's not exactly a bad monster and/or opponent. He's got a light on his head later on that he uses to distract Kong and disorient him, a loud speaker to communicate with Kong, smoke grenades or flares, I think? I only remember him using them like once. It's never explained why exactly Mechani-Kong was built to look like and basically be Kong. I guess Doctor Who just saw the mech trend coming before anyone else. Nothing about Mechani-Kong is particularly cool or interesting at all, except maybe his roar, but even then it's not that much.

Now, some folks might have noted and would be astute in seeing I haven't really touched on Kong yet. Well, here he is. First of all, Kong still looks like garbage. Especially in the face department. Now, I will say his face does look better, but I mean, if you stuff a roadkill squirrel, you'll still be able to see a tire mark. I've read other reviews that say this is the worst Kong of all time, and even though I definitely say this is the worst LOOKING Kong of all time, he's genuinely not that bad of a Kong. Yeah, he looks like a doofus and he flails his arms around a lot, but he doesn't get a bad shake. Because this movie is basically a loose remake of the original King Kong, he gets to go through a lot of his origin story, just remixed to fit the Toho Studios brand. He still is attracted to a blonde girl in Susan Watson (played by Julie Bennet), and he gets to go through a lot of landmark Kong activities. Fighting dinosaurs and climbing giant buildings and going on a rampage in one of the capitals of the World, so that's all well and good. His largest issues honestly is that this movie is unsure if it should go full remake of King Kong or apparently a better adaptation of the King Kong Show. The movie is confused, and when the movie is confused, so is Kong. Kong is confused and confusing. And that is a bummer. He looks like a doofus and acts like a doofus for a lot of the time, but no, he isn't a terrible Kong. And nor is this a terrible movie. Kong, like this movie is just middle of the ground. He's just purely okay.

Talking about a movie like this is difficult because it isn't good and it isn't bad. But because of that, I just can't recommend it. Even with the worst movies in this series and even some of the worst movies of all time, there is something to be enjoyed. And with some of the movies ever and the best on this list, well, they're the best for a reason. This one, there just isn't a lot to gain or lose. It's just a wasted two hours. So, I think this is definitely the single most skippable movie so far. There just isn't enough here to recommend it. Sorry Kong, you deserve better. But take a break, kick back and relax, and I promise the next time we see you, it's gonna be awesome.

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Alright, my most sincere apologies! This one went up late because I've been getting it handed to me in school the last week or so, so maintaining this blog has been hard. But, I promise. We're back on track now and we can be excited again! But I am of course very sorry about the delay. So, tomorrow, I hope you'll return as we watch one I really enjoy: Destroy All Monsters!