Godzilla vs. Megalon - The Actually Worst One

March 17th, 1973. A day which will live in Godzilla infamy. For that is the day that onto the world was wrought Godzilla vs. Megalon. This is the movie that if it isn't Godzilla, I find tends to be the one movie of this series people have seen. It only makes sense. It was shown on so many TV channels for years and for a lot of people was easy to find and collect. Which I find hilarious because I still don't own a copy of the movie and I've been building my collection of the movies over the last 15 years or so with my dad. Regardless, what makes this movie so infamous? Well, in just about every capacity a Godzilla movie can be at very least bad and at very least campy, Godzilla vs. Megalon finds a way to be that and set the new standard while it's at it. From silly music, outlandishly hilarious monsters, flawed effects and laziness and use of stock footage that screams the budget of a college kid, this movie essentially set the series back and is usually the movie people think of when they think Godzilla is stupid or dumb and not worth any more than being something to laugh at. And honestly, because of that, it HAS to be seen to be believed.

In the year 197X (real creative by the way), the people of the surface level of Earth are testing nuclear weapons too much, causing subterranean earthquakes for the people of Seatopia. As revenge, the Seatopians release their monster named Megalon onto the world. With the world in trouble and the robot Jet Jaguar needing allies, it seeks out Godzilla in hopes of defeating the combined powers of Megalon and Gigan, recently borrowed from the Nebulans. It's a battle against the Earth that really has to be seen by all.

Alright, let's get this party started: this happened. Nothing to add. Just confirming that this movie is real and this happened. No this does not contribute to the review, but it is so famous and hilarious that I had to at very least mention it. So, I mentioned it. Someone thought this was a good idea and should be contributed to film for the rest of time. And it is. It's hilarious, it really is. But it's just so embarrassing. I will yet again ask you to please look to the first review and remember where this character represents and where this series started, and then think about the fact that YES INDEED WE SOMEHOW GOT HERE!

Alright, that out of the way, there are two brand new monsters in this movie; the titular Megalon and Jer Jaguar. Let's talk about Megalon first because quite frankly that's much easier. Like Gigan before him, Megalon is one of my favorite Godzilla antagonists and for a nice chunk of time was my favorite monster in the series not named Godzilla. He's a weird thing, and maybe just shy of Gigan weirdness, but he's a weird monster. He's got a horn on his head that shoots lightning, he can shoot giant bombs out of his mouth, has drills for hands which he can use to burrow underground and he can fly. From Gabara to Megalon, Toho went from what seemed like no new monster ideas to just getting too out there. I think Megalon juuuuuust tippy toes on the line of being too outlandish and fitting into the series. Maybe it's bias, because it honestly could be. A lot of my childhood was spent playing video games, and you bet Godzilla games were a part of that. And Megalon was always super cool in the games, so maybe I think he's alright because of those. It is a possibility.

ON THE OTHER HAND, we have Jet. Jaguar. Jet Jaguar is just hilarious. You look at him and you can't help but laugh. For those who don't know, Jet Jaguar was born of a contest for kids to draw a kaiju that would inspire a new monster to then star in the next Godzilla movie. That movie just so happened to be this one, and Jet Jaguar was born. Makes sense, doesn't it? Jet Jaguar is just hilarious. Everything about him is just comedy. From clearly being a rip off of Ultraman to his hilariously creepy smile and shrinking powers like he's trying to be the Atom, it's just hilariously clear that we mortals don't deserve to live on the same plane as him. And for those wondering, yes. He does indeed have a theme song. I have a playlist of music I listen to when I write these and whenever it comes on, I just have to stop, look at the picture of Jet Jaguar and remember that yes, I am alive, and that yes, Jet Jaguar was seen by multiple people and they all agreed "Yes. This is a character we all want in our movie series."

Oh yeah, Godzilla and Gigan are here by the way. Yeah, that's right, we got four monsters in this shindig. So how do Gigan and Godzilla fair? Well, Gigan's fine as always. Having Gigan is ALWAYS a plus. He's always fun to watch, always. He even gets some great moments in here, like when Jet just launches him into the air and Godzilla just blasts the crap out of him with his atomic breath. It's great. And he runs away, yet again. Yet again, Gigan is Starscream. But what about Godzilla? Well, he's quite the middle ground in this movie. On one hand, it's Godzilla. On the other hand, MegaroGoji might be one of the worst designs of Godzilla ever, for the simple fact Godzilla actually looks kinda cute. He just kinda looks like an ugly pug to me or something like that. Of course he's Godzilla and thank God he makes more appearances with this suit later to redeem it, but he just looks goofy. This is also coming after a design and suit for the character that was practically being perfect, looking intimidating enough while also just walking on the line that a kid could look at him and not be scared. It just looks odd with this one looking like they were aiming for cute when the previous one still looked pretty mean.

Alright, what's next on the chopping block? Eh, what the hell, let's talk about the Seatopians. In terms of human antagonists, these guys are the worst for the absolute best reasons. The Muans of Atragon are the worst human antagonists we've encountered so far. By a LONG mile. They aren't intimidating, they don't keep their promises and they desaturate the entire movie. The Seatopians on the other hand are everything about the Muans but in reverse and it actually doesn't work properly, but it's STILL hilarious. First of all, their costume design is just absolute comedy. They've been called everything, and considering how they look, I KNOW you're making jokes in your head. I just know you are. Because they look like clowns. Unlike the Muans however, they hold up to their promise of unleashing their monster. They're so hell bent on destruction that they go to the Nebluans for Gigan just to cause more damage. And you have to wonder if it's overkill at all. I think if they went to the surface together they might be listened to. But nope. Their solution is fire and blood. Okay, sure guys. The best part is that they're honestly the best of the human cast. The main human protagonists are so not helpful that you have to wonder if they actually care what's going on.

This movie's just the worst. I said it set the series back, and I do mean that. From this point on, the first series would have two movies left and would end on a high note, but being preceded by Godzilla vs. Megalon, it's easy to make improvements. And yet, I will still recommend you watch it. It is not only the Room of Godzilla movies, it's the Room of all kaiju and special effects heavy movies. Watch it and learn. Because even though it's not good, you can still learn so much from it.

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This was a fun one to revisit and watch, but I just wanted to get it out of the way, because tomorrow's feature is one of my favorites of the entire series as we meet Godzilla's metal doppelgänger as we watch one of the best movies of the first series: Godzilla vs. Mechagodzilla!